Today after passing a major milestone in my work, my comprehensive exam, I find myself reflecting on what it took to get me to this point. What would I say to myself from Spring 2019 when I was getting that acceptance letter into the History PhD program from Binghamton amid all the other rejections?

I remember one particular moment when I was standing at my bus stop on a cold windy February morning, the Winter Sun carving with its jagged coldness into my bare face and hands. On that particular morning I received the fifth of ultimately six rejection letters. It was one I expected, to be honest, but it still hurt like all the others did. At that moment I remember thinking, “If I get turned down by all seven I’ll find something else, it’ll hurt for a long time, but I’ll figure things out.” Today though, after finally passing my comps, an experience that was overall almost as stressful as the admissions process, I feel like were I able to talk to myself from two years ago, I’d probably say, “Don’t worry, it’ll all work out in the end. Take whatever win you can, and stand on that because trust me, this doesn’t get any easier.”

Looking at where I’m at today, now halfway through my fifth semester of the PhD, with the end of my work here hopefully closer in sight than the beginning, I do feel proud about what I’ve accomplished. It’s a big deal to make it this far, no matter how challenging it’s been. If anything, I’ve come to understand where my strengths and weaknesses lie, to understand myself and both my limits and potentials better than I ever have before.

As it happens, the day after that spell at the bus stop when the rejection letter arrived via email, I got my first acceptance letter in from Binghamton. It was St. Valentine’s Day, and as worn down as I was by the whole process of applying for doctoral programs at that point, I still celebrated in my own way, knowing that I’d be continuing in this career in academia. Today feels a lot like that day, it’s a moment when I have reason to celebrate, but also a moment when I need to stop and think about all the things that led to today. How can I make these sorts of really important events run smoother in the future? And how can I succeed in what I’m doing from here on out?

That’s the beauty of life, there’s always something new out there to explore, and the potential futures can seem boundless.