Tag Archives: Winter

A tiger staring at the camera through two fences.

A Tiger in the Sun

A Tiger in the Sun – Wednesday Blog by Seán Thomas Kane

This week, I have a short story for you, in the style of an Irish aisling, a dream narrative, about a tiger basking in the warm February sun. — Click here to support the Wednesday Blog: https://www.patreon.com/sthosdkane
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This week, I have a short story for you, in the style of an Irish aisling, a dream narrative, about a tiger basking in the warm February sun.

On a sunny, warm, and blustery day in February I left my desk in the afternoon for a walk at the city zoo. You could never really know how many warm days you’d have in February on the prairies, a time of snow, cold, and gray skies. I showed my member’s pass at the gate to the clerk and strolled between the polar bear’s wide enclosure and the lorikeets’ walk in cage towards the penguin house where I often liked to stand quietly and watch the birds waddle and swim about. There was something wistful about these penguins today, their black and white feathers glowing with a renewed exuberance from the lengthening days outside. I’d seen these penguins in all seasons, confined to their Antarctic chamber with many good places to swim, enclosures, and crevices that even I hadn’t seen. Worlds still unfamiliar to my eyes yet already known to my imagination which saw places where these birds could play and rest away from human eyes.

I left the penguins and began to walk further into the zoo towards the Asian and Australian animals who I hadn’t seen in my last few afternoon visits. I’d read that a new pair of Sumatran tigers had been brought to the zoo from another facility on the West Coast where they’d been born into captivity. These animals it seemed had a comfortable life, if confined as they were from the wilds their ancestors had once known. My walk took me past the alligators still hidden indoors and the camels who wandered about the edges of their sandy glade looking for new grass and leaves to eat. 

After passing the pelicans I came to a grand sign displaying a portrait of a tiger, in all its majestic ferocity. The entry to this Asian walkway was marked by a fleeting glimpse of another red, black, and white animal whose furry legs and tail darted behind a wall to my left. I walked onward and rounding the wall met a red panda on a stroll within the confines of its fenced enclosure. I stopped to look at the red panda who climbed a gangway that’d been set up for its enrichment and admired its ease of movement, the jolly grace of its demeanor. Yet still, the hairs on the back of my neck stood tall, alert. I knew the tigers dwelt behind me, yet they could’ve been anywhere in their terraced enclosure. I turned and caught the yellow eyes of a cat staring back at me, its orange nose wreathed in a beard striped black, orange, and white. This new tiger was smaller than I imagined, perhaps little older than a cub. It lay there on its side like my own cat often does, finding a nice place at the highest point in its home with the sun’s rays glittering down upon its neck and back between the barren branches of the cottonwood grove which towered above both feline and me.

I stood stock still, my nature sensing some intrinsic danger in my situation despite the double layers of fencing between us. This was a tiger after all, a hunter who if in the mood would gladly seek prey from either myself or its red panda neighbors across the path. Who was I to say I was any finer a creature than this one, who was lounging the afternoon away in the warm winter sun. It had no need of work or time; no economy or politics furrowed its brow. Here was a creature free of all our worldly concerns in its terraced enclosure. I would soon have to leave this tiger and continue on my way. My walk in the zoo was merely a distraction from my labors, an escape from the small walled enclosure of my desk where Sisyphean work awaited my attention. What time did I have to lay out in the sun and cherish the day? I walked on, my body moving back towards my work, yet my imagination remained. I dreamed as I walked of adventures I might have, greater escapes from my work, and of absconding for more than an afternoon from worry.

As I rounded the corner past the lower terrace of the tiger’s enclosure my phone began to ring. I pulled it from my pocket and caught myself seeing the number, “213, who’s calling me from Los Angeles?” I answered, looking up towards where the tiger lounged high above me. “Hello?”

            “Hello, I’m calling you about your application for the archivist position at the Space Science Center.”

            “Oh yes, how may I help you?” I asked reflexively, a knot building in my throat worried at what word might come next after so many rejections.

            “We would like to offer you the position here, if you’re still interested.”

            I caught myself in my jubilation, remembering I was in public, “Oh!” I cried, “what wonderful news!”

            “So, you’ll take it?”

            “Yes,” I stopped myself from being too exuberant, “It would be an honor to work with all of you there.”

            I thought I heard a smile from the other end of the phone. “I’m glad to hear that. Can you be here later this week to start?”

            “Later this week?” I asked, stopping in my tracks near the entrance to the kangaroos’ enclosure.

            “Yes, we’d like you to take over the work from our outgoing archivist who’s retiring at the end of this week.”

            I looked at my watch, it was nearly 3 ‘o clock in the afternoon. “Well, it’s Monday now, I can be there on Friday morning if that’d be alright with you.”

            “That’d be fine,” the herald of good news replied over the phone. “We’ll see you on Friday morning here in Pasadena.”

            “Thank you again!” I said as I heard the phone on the other end hang up. “Friday, Friday morning in Pasadena. I need to start packing,” I turned from the kangaroos and was about to walk past the building ahead when I remembered that path was closed for winter renovations. I turned back again towards the gate and strolled through; my head held higher than before with a newfound exuberance. Soon I wouldn’t be scraping by just as a freelancer, my four part-time jobs would have to go. Now, I could really earn enough to begin living my life.

I passed the Australian birds in their walk-through enclosure and was amused to see they were all standing stock still on various fenceposts. One squawked at the world, in what seemed to me a jubilant chord of praise for the wonderous afternoon sun.

If I was going to be in California on Friday morning, I would need to leave at dawn tomorrow. I could drive to Denver on Tuesday and stay at my cousin’s house there, if he’ll have me, and then cross the Rockies and the high deserts on Wednesday. I’d driven most of that route before one summer vacation several years ago, but the Rockies in winter would surely be an entirely different challenge than they are to cross in summer. The last time I drove through the Eisenhower Tunnel that bored its way beneath the Continental Divide I waited to use my breaks for just a few seconds too long on the western side and nearly ignited them in their furious efforts to slow my car down as it pulled into a parking spot along a creek in the village of Silverthorne. Should I get my snow tires out then, and have those on in case the interstate was slick up in the mountains? But I wouldn’t need them once I reached Utah where the high deserts would surely be dry, and possibly still hot despite it being February.

Once in Utah, even if my tank was nearly full, I would still stop in Green River, the last town before nearly 125 miles of open desert to ensure I wouldn’t run out of fuel on that other most dangerous part of the trip. I’d avoided that part of the interstate last time, taking a smaller high mountain pass through Central Utah. This time though there was no avoiding the desert. Once I made it to the junction with Interstate 15, I could turn south and make my way to my second overnight stop in Las Vegas. I figured I might not be the only traveler passing through Sin City who wasn’t there to gamble or for the spectacle. Then at last, on Thursday, I would finish with the last leg of the drive southwest across the California border and to Pasadena where my future awaited me. Work, to be sure, was something that drove me forward, the aspiration that I might make something of myself, that I might better my stars and spend my days doing something that both kept the lights on and fulfilled my dreams.

Like the tiger, I would perhaps have time to rest in the sun, to enjoy the afternoons on a park bench near the science center. Surely in California, I would never have to shovel snow again, or scrape the ice off my car in the cold January mornings. Wasn’t California where that tiger was born? I thought about that for a moment as I walked along the path. To my left the local kangaroo mob lounged and grazed on the grasses of their meadow. A kangaroo stood and stared at me. I warily watched it, silently snapping a photo of it with my phone, and continued on my way, keeping ever a respectful distance from those remarkable creatures.

But what of my cat? How would she fare the long voyage west? Would she appreciate so much time in the car? She’d never been one for car rides even to her vet just a few blocks away. Perhaps she’d rather stay with my parents, they always enjoyed her company and she theirs. She was surely napping now too, finding a sunbeam somewhere near a south-facing window where she could enjoy this lovely day like her far larger yet far distant cousin. It would be a great change for my cat, as much as it was for me. We’d have to travel light, perhaps I could send for the rest of my belongings, especially my books, after we settled into our new abode. 

I paused at the southern gate leaving the kangaroo enclosure. Before me one of the camels stopped its grazing to stare back at me as I stood there, deep in thought. I could see my life in California well. I’d probably get a space in the basement of the science center, somewhere with no natural light where they kept their records. My domain would exist in the deep darkness there, somewhere I could make my own. Maybe I’d be far enough away from the rest of the staff or the general public to bring a radio in and listen to baseball games during the season like my grandmother used to do in her kitchen. There’d always be a part of me that would yearn for home of course, for the prairies and woodlands of the Midwest. Who would I be without this place that I came from? What would my life be like so far from everyone I know and love? Could I really separate myself off, devote my working hours to a place where few would understand what it meant to be from here, where few would understand me?

My mind returned to that tiger lying there in the sun, content with its lot in life. There was a creature that could try to hunt and prowl, perhaps it did so in its dreams. What are dreams but the longings of the subconscious? I’d always been a dreamer, an imaginer of wonders near and far from the truth. Do dreams then tell the truth, or is there such a thing as truth in the surreal realm which we imagine? I remembered a story I read as a child, from P.L. Travers’s original Mary Poppins novel, of a scene in which the roles were reversed and all the animals of London Zoo were gawking at the humans in the cages. Was fantasy so different from reality that it could not be informed by the real but instead kept unreal? 

I felt I had to return to that being whose yellow eyes had so deeply captured my thoughts that even now as I planned the monumental voyage of these coming days, a week spent crossing half a continent in winter, I couldn’t shake the image of those deep yellow eyes. I followed the path back towards the tiger sign that greeted visitors to the Asian footpath and ignored the red pandas in all their charm and found my captor laying there still. Those eyes caught mine again, and they seemed to recognize me from only a few minutes before. In those eyes I saw a truth that life was meant to be enjoyed, to be lived, yet in my eyes I was sure the creature could only see fear and wonder. Without these fences we both knew those yellow eyes would be a death sentence for me and that my power was devised in only the most artificial of means. The tiger was the real power, the true monarch of our shared domain. And yet it blinked at me, slowly, a signal that my own cat offers when it feels comfortable around me. Could this tiger feel at ease in its enclosure or is its ease perhaps from its inherited knowledge that nature gave it the upper hand over feeble, clawless, scaleless, featherless, furless me.

I didn’t feel the need to speak, this tiger could understand my expressions. I gazed into those eyes deeper, feeling my thoughts free fall into that yellow sea of potent grace. Did these eyes envision things like mine did? Could this tiger see things unknown to it in its dreams? Could it imagine a Creator? Would I still feel such a connection when I retired from my native place to that basement archive where surely, I would spend my waking hours? I wasn’t sure that the adventure of it all would be worth the query, yet I felt my nature pull me towards exploring further and deeper. I heard a noise from before me, a deep hiss emanating from a striped sea of orange, black, and white. The tiger had enough of my gaze, and with a hiss told me enough, “move along, leave me be.”

I backed out from the tiger’s view and turned away, looking to the red panda who seemed unfazed by the hissing hunter across the way. Move along indeed. In this adventure I’ll learn more about myself, and what I am capable of. When I reach the end of the line on this drive, when I arrive in California, there will surely be many new possibilities and wonders to behold. How often had I experienced a warm, sunny day in February here on the prairies? Wonderous things remained for me to find beyond my desk. I walked back to the front gate of the zoo and felt something new inside of me glow with confident glee at the thought of all that was to come.

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St. Brigid’s Day

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Among the saints are the Irish Trinity, Saints Patrick, Colmcille, and Brigid. These three were among the first Christian leaders and holy figures in the history of the Church in Ireland and remain centrally prominent today. This Wednesday, the first day of February, was once the ancient feast of Imbolc, which celebrated an ancient harvest goddess known as Brigid, whose patronage included wisdom, poetry, and healing. Brigid’s springs and wells remain sacred places today for how the deity was incorporated into Irish Christianity through the person of Saint Brigid, perhaps a real holy woman named for the goddess who converted in those first generations after St. Patrick’s arrival, or perhaps a reinterpretation of the goddess herself into a saint.

Either way, I don’t honestly mind. St. Brigid represents for me the continuation of the oldest of rituals, the most ancient of memories, into the modern day. Her feast marks the beginning of Spring according to tradition, a time of year which I do yearn for with how cold it’s been here in Kansas City of late. My own faith is open to the reality that it has a variety of sources, both biblical and traditional. In my lifetime I’ve heard here and there of efforts either by the Vatican or by other Catholic authorities to soften the devotions of certain saints deemed mythic, like St. Brigid, St. Barbara, or St. Christopher. I get where they’re coming from, after all who’s to really say if these people ever lived? I for one can’t prove it. Yet I disagree with this assessment because there are truths about life and nature we can learn from saints like Brigid.

The one catch about honoring a saint like Brigid who is so tied to Ireland and the environment of that island country is that some of these traditions don’t entirely make sense here in America. To say that Spring begins at the start of February is laughable here in the Midwest. The forecast today calls for highs of 36ºF (2ºC) and lows of 16ºF (-9ºC), far from Springtime temperatures that would be expected for the first day of Spring. True, we have had some nice days of late, days when I’m comfortable walking around without a hat or gloves, but they’re becoming fewer as January ends and February begins. I hope that February will see warmer temperatures return, heading into what might be a lovely March. But enough of the weather, to my point I find it hard to follow some of these traditional understandings of saints from back in Europe because the world of the Americas is different enough to make the experience of trying to say “Spring’s begun” when it’s snowing laughable.

Perhaps a better way to think of St. Brigid’s Day as an Irish American is to consider it as one of the last winter holidays which began with Advent in December. These winter festivities are marked by their sense of mystery, earned through the long dark nights this time of year and all the unknown things that can go on when the Sun remains down for longer hours and so much of our native wildlife sleeps in their burrows. St. Brigid’s Day means the winter is coming to its climax, and soon will fade into the first whisperings of Spring with its rains and lush greenery. If St. Brigid’s Day is the beginning of the end of Winter, then St. Patrick’s Day is the beginning of the height of Spring, a time when here in Kansas City sure it could snow, but it could also be warm and comfortable for parades under the Spring Sun. So, to all my listeners who feel like commemorating the story of St. Brigid, Lá Fhéile Bhrigid shóna daoibh! Happy St. Brigid’s Day!

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Cold

Photo by Aleksandr Slobodianyk on Pexels.com
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When I returned home to Kansas City at the beginning of December, I was pleased to be able to go outside without a scarf or a hat. For at least those first two days it was pleasant here, with temperatures in the 40s and 50s Fahrenheit. I got pretty lucky with my own long drive west being during such a warm spell. The only snow I saw was in Michigan along I-94. Even in Chicago, a city famous for winter snow, I found only rain. So, when I first read that we were expecting a surge of Arctic winds to descend south down the Great Plains into the United States from Canada around Christmas, I, like everyone else, braced for the impact. 

The worst of the cold began to arrive here on Wednesday, 21 December, with temperatures that night reaching below 0ºF and wind chills well into the negative double digits with the cold bottoming out around -35ºF (-37ºC). Things didn’t really improve for a while just yesterday we started to see regular temperatures above freezing again. At first, I thought this storm was going to miss the Northeast, that it was something we’d have here in the Midwest, but as the week went by I watched as the storm moved across the continental radar first in a southeasterly direction across the Midwest giving what turned out to be a mere glancing blow to Kansas City, before turning northeast with the influence of Gulf and Atlantic winds and heading straight up the East Coast. 

Now, as I write this the City of Buffalo and its suburbs remain buried under feet of snow with nearly 30 dead. Air travel remains broken down across the Midwest and East, and journalists & meteorologists alike are calling this one “the storm of the century.” It proves that for all our technology and innovations, we remain subject to the whims of the weather. On a normal day someone with enough income could conceivably commute by air from one region of this country to another for work, perhaps not on a daily basis but certainly on a weekly one. Yet when extreme cold and blinding snow such as this barrel across North America we’re at its mercy.The funny thing about the last week is that looking ahead to the next few days things are supposed to greatly improve. Not only are we in Kansas City forecasted to rise out of our current frozen state but our temperatures are apparently supposed to climb back up into the high 50s Fahrenheit, warm enough for a nice walk in the park without a scarf, warm enough for some rain to wash away at least some of the snow and salt that’s making our streets and sidewalks dangerous to pass. Maybe that’s a good sign for 2023, that the new year will arrive to better weather than 2022 is leaving behind.

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Winter

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I was born on a snowy day in December 1992 in the Chicago suburbs, and over the past 30 years my life has been marked by the cyclical changes between warm and cold months. The winters often stand out more than the summers, perhaps because winter snow is always more of an event than a really scorching hot day in July. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to wish for snow less and less, certainly the incentive of a snow day is mostly absent now but also snow means I’m responsible for shoveling my sidewalks and driveway, something which I’ll do but don’t wish for.

In the last few days, we haven’t had any accumulation, the ground is still too warm, but the flakes falling on my head have been enough of a warning of things to come. Last year it occurred to me that there’s a pattern to how the seasons change and how the weather gets colder over the fall months. Late Summer here in North America is often stormy with the Atlantic hurricane season at its height and changing temperatures causing seasonal rains and occasionally thunderstorms across the continent. Each successive rain has its own small change on the overall temperature, first it’ll be steamy and hot after a rain in August, then as September progresses there’s a cool spell after each rain, until finally in October there’s that climactic storm that pushes the temperature enough that once the cool spell ends the temperature doesn’t rise again to its summer highs, instead settling now into a much cooler Winter low.

Here in Binghamton that final storm that did the trick was the remnants of Hurricane Nichole which reached this valley on Friday morning bringing moderate to heavy rains from the south that sat over this valley for much of the day. That evening the skies remained too cloudy for stargazing up at my usual Friday haunt, the Kopernik Observatory, and since the clouds have only faintly parted to reveal radiant sunshine. It took until Sunday afternoon for the temperature to fall enough for the steady flickering rain to freeze and become first sleet and then snow. Winter’s arrival is likely to be for the season now, it got this cold a few weeks ago before warm winds blew in from the southwest convincing me to lose my sweaters for a day in favor of my short sleeved shirts, but that last gasp of warmth wasn’t going to last.

There are things about Winter that I admire and look forward to. The conviviality of Summer is replaced by the twinkling celebrations in the long dark nights around Christmas and New Year’s, born from ancient mystery and ritual yet vibrant in its modernity. For the moment I’m still getting used to the Sun setting around 4:30 pm, still grumbling about it. The darkness of our Winter nights is bearable because we always know it’s temporary, the long summer days will eventually return, and with them all the nostalgia fueled memories of the glories of summers now past.

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The Luxury of Stress, or the Adrenaline Rush of Fear

2020 began for me with a long drive east: Kansas City to Pittsburgh to New York. I drove the first leg in 15 hours, arriving just before midnight on a Friday, and spent the next day wandering through the Carnegie Museums of Art and Natural History in Downtown Pittsburgh, which was the main reason for that particular stopover. That Sunday however was characteristic of how the year that this would become. I woke up around 4 am on Sunday, early enough that I hoped I could be in Manhattan for lunch. As I made a quick donut stop near Pittsburgh Airport, I checked the travel updates for the Pennsylvania Turnpike, and was shocked to discover that it was blocked in both directions just east of Pittsburgh due to a fatal multi-vehicle accident that had happened about an hour before. So, realizing that I’d have to take an alternate route, I plugged one into the navigation system in my car and made my way into one of the most eventful days of driving in my lifetime.

The route on that snowy Sunday morning in January

For the first 3 hours of the 6 that I’d have to drive that day, I was largely on US-22, a smaller rural highway, which heads east out of Pittsburgh across Pennsylvania toward the Jersey Shore. Normally I prefer to stick to the interstates for the lack of stoplights, and at that hour of the night for the lack of traffic. In this instance though I quickly found myself crawling my way across the Appalachians in a blizzard with next to no visibility. I passed semitrucks that were sliding backwards down the inclines on this normally reasonable, yet now snow-packed, highway. I’m pretty sure I passed a plow or two even, continuing onward, only really able to see where I was going thanks to the car’s navigation. Only after 7:30 am or so did the snow clear and I was able to enjoy an otherwise uneventful drive to the long-term parking garage that I frequent near Newark Airport when I drive to New York City.

Like the rest of 2020, thus far, I was nearly stressed to my limit in the early hours of that morning. This year has been one for the record books, a right old annus horibilis to borrow a term from the Queen. At the same time that I was dodging stuck semis in the Pennsylvania mountains, this country’s leaders were saber-rattling and threatening war with Iran. We were lucky to have missed that cataclysmic fiasco of a war, though I doubt we’ll know the full details of how we missed it for a few years to come. Since then we’ve seen the rise of the greatest pandemic in a century, a near economic depression, irate armed citizens occupying government buildings over their economic and social fears, the murders of many other citizens of this country by authorities, and the largest protests this country has seen in a long time. Throughout all of this, the response of those in charge hasn’t helped to ease tensions one bit, both publicly and privately for a great many of us.

Yet unlike that early morning in January, I now feel like I have the luxury to think about it, and to stress about it. That morning, I did not have that luxury, or perhaps I had too strong of a fear-driven adrenaline rush to stress about it. After all, if I thought too hard about how terrifying of a situation I was in, I would’ve made a mistake and gone off the side of the road, not knowing what that’d bring: a field, a hill, a house, the edge of one of the mountains? If I’d let my stress take over then, I can’t be sure I’d be able to write this today. Yet in the months since I’ve been largely secluded from the world, first in my apartment in Binghamton, NY, and for the last two months in my parents’ house in Kansas City, MO. Like all of us, I’ve had a lot of extra time on my hands to think, to consider how I want my life to go forward, and to stress and worry about our world, and how it’ll either improve or wreck our future.

The stress has certainly got to me, and there have been more occasions than usual of late where I’ve had real trouble working through it. It’s left me irritable, quick to anger, and generally in a sour temper. I could probably take all this sour stress and make one of those sourdough starters that so many people started doing this Spring. I’ve always found it hard to hear the memories and feel the emotions of the best days of my life over the obnoxious clamoring of the worst memories. Lately it’s been harder than ever, but I’ve tried my best to cherish the best moments of my life and my time at home. 

This past weekend in particular had so many wonderful moments. On Friday, the executives at my Mom’s company decided to give all of their employees Juneteenth off. So, that morning for the first time in at least 21 years my parents and I together went to the Zoo. When I was little, I loved going to the Brookfield Zoo near our home in suburban Chicagoland with them and have cherished those memories ever since. Now, after living in Kansas City for 21 years, we finally went as a family to the Kansas City Zoo, a place that I usually visit at least once a week on my own when I’m home. We didn’t see everything we wanted to see, but we left truly happy. 

The Kansas City Zoo’s new Elephant Expedition Enclosure. The photo is my own.

Later that evening after dinner we drove up to my alma mater Rockhurst University at 52nd & Troost and took part in the Juneteenth Prayer Service that stretched for 10 miles all along Troost. This was a prayer service like no other, less silent meditation, or communal rosary, and more a celebration of the hope that our community on both sides of the dividing line feels that change is in the air. I sat there on a stone wall for an hour and watched as countless cars drove by, their drivers honking their horns, people waving, children singing from the back windows.

On Saturday we went to one of my aunt’s houses for a small backyard gathering. I always treasure the times that I have with my family, the whole crowd. Just sitting there with people whose company I enjoy, people who I’ve known my whole life, and experiencing the madness of our current world from the perspectives of their stories, jokes, and worries made everything seem better for a little bit. Sunday was similar, Father’s Day, a quiet celebration this year at home with my parents. My Mom and I made brunch for the three of us, brioche French toast and eggs, before spending the afternoon watching soccer and reading June’s National Geographic. This was followed by a quiet small gathering in Roanoke Park.

I was reminded of all of this, and in particular of that terrifying snowy morning on US-22 east of Pittsburgh on Sunday evening when we watched last year’s release A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood, starring Tom Hanks as Mr. Rogers. In part, the film’s Pittsburgh setting triggered those memories, and my thoughts on that January Saturday evening that I’d live in Pittsburgh if I got a job there, and how much fun I had at the Carnegie Museums. Yet more than that, the kindness which Mr. Rogers exuded in his life and work reminded me that this stress doesn’t have to be permanent, and that the best of memories should be the ones I treasure. I can still vaguely remember seeing him on WTTW in Chicago in the ’90s, and even a little bit on KCPT after we moved here to KC at the turn of the millennium. At the time I don’t really remember knowing what to make of the guy. Yet today, as an adult with far more responsibility to my community, our future, and to myself, I feel like if I were to try to learn from anyone in my own work as an educator, it’d be him.